


the lake

by demispencie



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Death, Depression, F/F, I Made Myself Cry, I hate myself, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, No Happy Ending Fest, POV Emily Prentiss, References to Depression, Sad, Sad Ending, Sobbing, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, be careful, excuse my SHITE writing, i miss dani and jamie every day, i miss jj and emily every day, i shouldn't be joking i'm in such a bad headspace that i probably shouldn't have written this fic, like do not read this if you're easily triggered, please be warned this is fucking sad, poppins you alright
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:13:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27715256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demispencie/pseuds/demispencie
Summary: ending sort of based around the concept of the haunting of bly manor.a vent fic of sorts ? be careful reading , there are no-context spoilers , and i cried a lot writing it.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	the lake

**Author's Note:**

  * For [j3milys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/j3milys/gifts).



> get tissues. you will need them.

_one day at a time, alright ?_

_PRESENT DAY_

Emily buried her face into her pillows and groaned , grasping for her lover next to her. When she felt nothing , her head lifted to see what had happened.

" JJ , sweetheart ? " Emily called , her morning voice raspy and quiet. She looked around , expecting to see her wife walking around getting laundry , or reading at their windowsill. It wasn't a surprise whenever Emily woke up alone. It wasn't a problem , it was often that JJ woke up before Emily , she struggled with some intense nightmares and panic attacks , and more often than not would she go on runs or walk around the house trying to quiet her mind and suppress her harmful urges.

But when Emily heard nothing from the other rooms , and saw nothing but a note on their shared nightstand , Emily's heart began to race.

_Did she go out for a run or something ? It's 7am , if she'd just gone the bed would still be warm , but if she'd left earlier , why isn't she back yet ?_ Emily thought to herself , sitting up. Emily dreaded reading the note , but she knew JJ wasn't home. She sighed and grabbed the small note reluctantly , reading it.

_Emily,_

_I'm sorry I didn't wake up with you. I know how much you love wrapping your arms around me , kissing my hair and stroking my cheek , waiting until you can see my eyes and kiss me like there's no tomorrow. I'm sorry that you couldn't do that. I love you. I'm sorry that I can't find any other words to say. Please forgive me._

_\- JJ_

Emily's heart dropped in her chest. Without hesitation she put on a jacket , rushing to the car , note in hand. There was only one place JJ would be , and she dreadfully feared what came next.

_6 YEARS AGO_

_" Kissing you is the best feeling in the world , you know. " Emily said to JJ , petting her hair as they stared at the lake. JJ laughed softly , staring up at Emily. Emily smiled , and they sat for a moment taking in the peace around them._

_" You know if I ever died tragically , I'd want it to be here, " JJ said softly. Emily looked at JJ in concern , ready to calm her down if it was another breakdown , but JJ squeezed her hand assuredly and laughed. " Not that I ever would , it's just because it's so peaceful you know ? When we worked , people died in horrible ways , but here , it's so quiet. Giving up , letting the cold water take all that pain away , it seems like a mercy that.. I don't know , a mercy that my mind would take. " JJ said , her head spinning. She didn't think she'd feel this dark or be this serious but the more she said it in her head , the more she wanted to act on it._

" _JJ , no. " Emily said , lifting her head to stare into the eyes of her lover. "We're never coming back here , alright ? Not until we're old and gray and withered away and we'd rather die from hypothermia instead of shit food at an old folks home," Emily said half jokingly , taking JJ's hand in hers. " I know what's going on in your head is scary , I know that you struggle. But I'm gonna be here with you every step of the way. I'll feel everything , all that pain for the both of us , so that you and I can be happy. One day at a time, baby , alright ? " Emily said , tears filling her eyes. JJ nodded and kissed Emily , hoping that Emily fighting by her side would be enough._

_PRESENT DAY_

Emily pulled into the secluded area of the lake , barely bothering to park. She pulled on her jacket , hoping she wasn't too late.

" JJ ? JJ ! " Emily called frantically , praying that this was just another spiral , not the dark ending JJ wished on herself. But there was no call back. Emily tried dialing JJ's number , only for the phone to go straight to voicemail. She searched the lake , trying to find any trace of JJ , but she was nowhere to be seen. Tears fell from Emily's eyes. 

_Fuck, JJ you can't leave me !_ Emily's brain screamed. Everything felt hopeless, until a light purple cardigan caught her eye. _That's JJ's !_ She thought to herself , running to it.

As she grabbed it , she looked around frantically , hoping her lover was somewhere near , but still , nothing. She felt around in the small pocket to see if there was anything to point her in the direction of her wife, but all that was there was her phone , dead as suspected and another note tucked into JJ's wedding band. Emily sobbed as read the note , clutching what she had left of JJ in her hands.

_You'll be okay. I love you. Take it one day at a time alright ?_

**Author's Note:**

> i'm still sobbing ? i literally can't keep rereading this without actually crying. feedback and criticism is welcomed ! find me as @reidsjcreau on instagram <3
> 
> edit : the more i reread this the more i realize it may make more sense if you've seen bly manor , but i want to keep the fic the way it is. it might not make sense towards the end , but i know how i wanted to write this from the start , so i'm keeping it the way it is. i hope you still were able to accept the fic / enjoy it for what it is ( despite how sad it is ) . love you all !


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